Theo Judah Lanphier

   So mind-boggling to see that the last post I made baby Theo was still in my tummy (the 40 week pics)! I really love reading people's birth stories so just stop here if you don't. I don't want to scar anyone with graphic birth details/pics ;)
   As I wrote before, I was scheduled to go into the hospital Sunday night and then they would start me on Pitocin Monday morning. My mom literally got into Redding from Sacramento at about 6 pm and my brother Turner and her came up to the hospital for moral support. I am convinced that Theo literally waited until his 'Nonnie' was present before even thinking about being born!

Checked in.

Happily not feeling any contractions at this point...

   7 pm I was hooked up to the monitor and our nurse was surprised to find I was having regular contractions 5 minutes apart- I couldn't even feel them! I was thrilled because we had been praying that I would go into labor naturally- I really wanted that experience. My mom and brother left for the night and Paul and I tried to get some sleep- 'tried' because at 2:30 am my water broke and let me just discreetly say that: that was an experience! As my contractions got stronger they gave me something through my IV for pain, so I was a little buzzed. Also, no one tells you that your water breaking can continue for an extended period of time. I may or may not have told Paul through some tears that I felt like a 'juice box' !?! Yes, I am very sensitive to narcotics. I was evidently pretty upset with the levels of fluids they were shooting into me as well because it was revealed to me that I also confided in Paul that there was a hospital conspiracy to make pregnant women look 'puffy' when they were giving birth. I do remember Paul nodding sympathetically and asking if we could discuss it later... It must have not been a pressing issue to me because it didn't come back up.

Feeling the burn

   So from 2:30 am until 9:30 am I rode out the contractions with no longer than 3 minute intervals of rest and was getting really worn down. Also, my Dr. had them put me on Pitocin at 6 am even though I was in labor to speed up the process. The pain was manageable and I was progressing quickly (for a first time mom), but decided at 9:30 am to get the epidural and I thank the Lord above for modern medicine. It was as if liquid gold was poured into my back and I gave our anesthesiologist a fond nick-name "the candy man." For the rest of the morning and until lunch time I rested and enjoyed my family. Paul, my mom, and brother Turner spent the whole day with me. We listened to worship music, they ate (I had broth), and talked together. I literally felt like there was a blanket of peace in the room and just was so excited about meeting my baby. If you know me, this is a big deal since I HATE hospitals, needles, and PAIN with a FIERCE FIERCE PASSION.
  Our nurse that day was excellent. Pam had a very dry sense of humor and was very type A personality, but she knew her stuff. She had been a labor and delivery nurse for 27 years and worked 3 shifts at the hospital and also taught at the nursing school. It was crazy how she predicted the timing of my progressions so accurately. 
   Finally, at 2:30 pm I was at 10 cm dilated and it was time to push. We decided that Turner (my 19 year old bro) would stand waaaaaaaay far up by my head to take pics and record while my mom and hubby stayed at my side. Turner has since said that being present for Theo's birth was the best experience of his life. I pushed for 1 hour and by 3:29 they were saying "look down! here he comes!" Let me just say that there is absolutely nothing in the entire world that could prepare me for seeing my baby for the first time. As the doctor grabbed him and held him up I started weeping with such an intense flood of love that I felt like my heart was going to explode. It was the single greatest moment of my entire life. We all cried, but I cried the hardest. I cried because my son was perfect, I cried because he was safely in my arms, I cried because it was so special to have my family there, and I also cried because I was so darn happy I had gotten an epidural and didn't have to feel a nearly 9 lb baby come out of me (and not to brag, but no stitches were needed).

Almost there...

Here he is!!

No words!

So in love.

This was the sweetest thing... EVER!

    Like I said, having my mom and brother there was amazing because it feels like you can never describe how wonderful a moment like that was. It's nice to know that with them we don't have to try- they were experiencing it right alongside us!

Theo meet Nonnie!

Theo meet Uncle Turney!

   If you have been following my pregnancy post on this blog you will know that we didn't have a name picked out- and we weren't lying! We really and truly did not decide on 'Theo' until about an hour after he was born. Paul was very adamant that we name him quickly so he didn't feel like he "had no identity" ;) We had 3 options we really liked, but when Theo came we knew what his name should be. I'm not going to lie to you, "Theo" is not his full name. His birth certificate reads "Theophilus Judah Lanphier." Theophilus is referred to in the gospels and means "loved by God," "friend of God," and "lover of God" depending on which book you look at (not a bad set of meanings though right!?!) However, we don't want him made fun of on his first day of school and so he will go by Theo ;). Judah his middle name, means "praise" and also refers to the biblical reference of the "lion of the tribe of Judah." My brother Turner asked Paul and I over the summer if we liked the name Theophilus when we heard it mentioned at school one day (Bethel). The funny thing is a few days later my dad was preaching to his youth group out of the book of Luke and came across the name and jokingly told everyone "Theophilus will probably be my grandson's name." He had no clue that we were actually considering it! I do think he came out looking like a Theo though:

Baby Theo not a happy camper.

   One of my favorite things about being a parents is that I get to do it with Paul. My mom has commented so many times how calm and patient he is with me (I was freaking out the first night home about Theo not getting enough to eat). Paul is such a natural with Theo (and me ;) )and constantly wanting to hold him and love on him. It is so fun to hear all the things he say to Theo. We already have a million more nicknames for him too. We are absolutely obsessed and have had more than one moment crying together because we can't believe how much we love we feel for him... it's literally almost scary. So now this blog has added on a new Lanphier... there are officially 3 "Lanphiers Remembering" from now on...

Theo. Born 2/20/12 at 3:29 pm 8 lbs 7.7 oz 21 inches

Beauty

   Last week our revival group pastor Abi spoke to all the girls about beauty and her personal testimony and story of how the Lord took her on a beauty journey. She is such an amazing, strong, stunning, powerful woman and it was such a privilege to learn from her. The following paragraphs are some thoughts and reflections on beauty/body image based on what impacted me from last week.

   Would you ever abuse a friend until she behaved perfectly or looked the way you wanted her to? Would you criticize, punish, and verbally assault her only to turn around and ask her to do a favor for you? We all read this and think: Of course I wouldn't! That sounds terrible! -but the truth is: so many of us do this to our bodies. We love our bodies conditionally and only accept them when we think they are 'perfect'. We are mean to them and overly critical, yet put unrealistic demands of them at the same time. Loving our bodies with no strings attached is so important as a woman because we go through many changes. Puberty, pregnancy, weight fluctuations, and menopause create very unique hormonal adjustments that are part of every woman's life.

   The sad thing is, even people who have 'perfect' figures have flaws that they would like to change. Some of the most insecure women on the planet are those who have taken every measure to preserve and change their looks only to realize later there are still things they don't like about themselves physically. If you cannot love your body unconditionally, you will never find peace. Changing that 'one thing' that bothers you just might be masking the root issue that you do not accept yourself. 

   This is not to say we should never do our hair and make-up, eat whatever we want, and be lazy, but if we love who we are, we will want to care for ourselves. I love to work out (when I'm not pregnant) and this is because I know I am worth it and it blesses my physical health. I also enjoy when I am able to get my nails done or a facial, but in this season of life being in ministry school does not financially allow me to indulge. That's ok though! I still feel beautiful  because I've already made up my mind to treat myself as such! Do you see the difference?- I do not take care of myself because I think it will make me beautiful. I take care of myself because I see myself as beautiful and want to steward my beauty.

   Abi (my Bethel pastor)also shared about body reconciliation. This is totally new to me, but has to do with actually speaking to our bodies, being in touch with what they need, and repenting for not being a good friend to ourself. I have began to declare love over my body (speaking to parts by name) and blessing it. Gratefulness is key. We should be the safest place for ourselves. We should be such a refuge from the onslaught of media images that define what the perfect body should look like. I am an advocate for my own body and when I love myself I empower those around me to more fully embrace who they are.

   One thing Abi does with people she counsels is has them go through magazines and look for women who have similar features to what they don't like about themselves (i.e. big hips, small breasts, big breasts, short, tall- whatever they are struggling with) that they find beautiful. They cut out these pictures as an exercise in redefining what beauty is. 

   I personally was so impacted by they idea of blessing our bodies and partnering with them. Being pregnant, I am experiencing a ton of physical changes that I would have thought would be really difficult for me since I have been blessed with being naturally slender. But I have committed to partnering with myself during this time and telling my body, "you go ahead and do what you need to do to sustain life... If you need to gain 30 lbs during this pregnancy I bless you, if you need to gain more, I'm still going to accept you." It is actually quite revolutionary because I find myself just so grateful I have a healthy body and the even more revolutionary outcome is I can see my body responding. I have struggled since I was 14 with acne, but I have been speaking life and acceptance to my skin and it has actually cleared up some! It's still not perfect, but that isn't even the goal because I no longer expect perfection out of myself.

   So friends, I challenge you to love who you were made to be. I even dare you to try speaking life and acceptance to your body out loud and watch how your perspective and attitude changes. You may even reap some physical blessings that come from not punishing yourself. Psalm 139 tells us how we are fearfully and wonderfully made and guess what?! I believe what God says about me :) MY BODY ROCKS- and so does yours! 

   

Annie Alice

My sister is the first person I am writing about in my blog. I think I picked her first because she is always on my mind. She lives in Austin, Texas with her son-cat Audi. She loves him so much that she pays astronomical vet bills to keep him healthy and lets him get his cat fur all over her cute clothes.

Annie and I are about as opposite as winter is long. She is artistic. My idea of being creative is trying a new restaurant. Annie is athletic. I have nearly all participation ribbons from my track and field days. Annie is musically cultured. Coldplay and country are nearly all I listen to. Annie has a perfect JLo butt… I have chicken legs and a flat butt.

Our relationship hasn’t always been as loving as it is now. As children, I would pinch her cheeks when I got mad and then bribe or threaten her not to tell mom. She really ticked me off when she would steal my days-of-the-week underwear, especially when I would find it in her dirty clothes pile.

There have been many highlights… like the stellar human videos we would perform for my grandparents at Christmas time along with dances to Amy Grant songs. When I was in 4^th grade, our family moved downtown to 32^nd St and Annie and I had our own bedrooms for the first time. I would always beg her to sleep with me. She sometimes gave in. We didn’t let the distance of separate rooms keep us apart, we devised a knocking code with a specific repetition of knocks meaning a certain message. For instance, 3 knocks meant, “I love you.” Five knocks meant “I’m sorry,” (I used five knocks a lot). To also cope with our separation, we put a shoebox in our bathroom that served as a mailbox. We left notes to each other frequently and sometimes even gum. We called ourselves the ‘sending sisters.’ I loved having a sister.

What is remarkable about Annie is that she has a magical quality that draws people in. She is a freethinker and has a wild heart. Annie feels deeply and cares about those she loves deeply. We have the kind of sisterhood where we can go days or even weeks without a long conversation and then pick right back up where we left off. I think about her all the time. I care about what she cares about. I want to take every pain or potential threat and use my own body and heart to shield her from it.

Annie is an incredibly gifted dancer- I’m not just saying that. You can feel the emotion in her movements, the passion in her heart. When I watch Annie dance, I feel like the world is right. Our grandma Alice loved watching Annie dance. Annie loved grandma Alice. Grandma Alice loved Annie. I sometimes think, “wouldn’t Grandma be so proud of Annie? She would probably find a way to get Annie on a reality dance competition.”

That’s the other thing about Annie. She is incredibly loved. She has a family that adores her. One family dinner cannot go by without someone saying, “I wish Annie was here.” Annie completes the family. She is our treasure and brings so much color our world. Annie Alice, I love you.