Time Freeze

   I'm almost certain that the times when heaven is nearest are the times when I'm rocking my baby in the dark in the middle of the night. 
   I sleep train my kids so they don't need me rocking them to fall asleep... but lately, in the last month or so, if Violet wakes up because she is teething I will go in and give her some infant Tylenol and rock her. As I stare at her sweet little face in the dark I am so overcome by my love for this baby that it's all I can do to not cry. I can see the shadowy circles of her eyes looking into my face as her eyelids droop and she falls back asleep. I know that in these moments she is sure of how completely loved and safe she is as we rock back and forth, back and forth. It's as if I'm given a pause button for a few minutes from the speedy first year of her life that is flying by. I stare hard at the silhouette of her face and will that this moment would be imprinted upon my heart forever... Has 10 months really almost come and gone? I felt like she would never sleep through the night or never take a bottle, but now she does. She turns one in two months. My baby. 
   I love everything about her. I think 7-10 months is my favorite baby stage. Alert and responsive, yet still not mobile (at least my kids aren't yet). I love how she flaps her arms when she gets excited. I love how she watches Theo and is so mesmerized by his every move. I love that she wakes up happy. I love that I can now fit a tuff of her little hair in a pig tail.. 
   But most of all I love those sweet unanticipated moments when one of my kids needs me and I get to just hold them, to smell the tops of their little heads, to kiss their plump chubby cheeks, and hold them tight against my heart reassuring them that everything will be ok because I will not leave them alone. I am their constant.

Not a great pic, but I just love how this captures her little cheeks and lips... was taken during a late night rocking session

nothing like a sleeping baby....

and again...

big almost 10 month old! (first poney tail!)

 

Opps! When you don't blog 1/2 your pregnancy...

   This poor baby has had much less blog coverage than my pregnancy with Theo... I told myself this would never happen when I was looking through my own family's baby photo albums and noticed the pictures severely lessen after my sister Annie was born, and then come to a near desert once Turner arrived. I can't say I blame my mom... her pregnancies were so painful that when I see long-time friends of the family they all get a far-off look in their eyes when they say, "I remember how sick your mom was when she was pregnant with ______ (insert any of our names)..." and then they snap back to present and are full of extra compassion for me.
   I am not a martyr and know billions of women are probably pregnant, but I have to document all this so I can recall how I felt and show our daughter that I did make an effort. Pregnancies for me are hard... look back through my past blog entries and you will see that I was very very sick with Theo and in the midst of a lot of life changes. It was a amazing/stressful time of life.
   I must admit that when I was less sick 1st trimester of this pregnancy I thought I'd got off scott-free. I chalked it up to baby boy hormones making me more sick than a girl and then: BOOM! I got slapped in the face with gestational diabetes. I was so sad that I couldn't eat desserts that I spent a good week feeling sorry for myself, another week mad at my mom (she had GD with Tyler) (jk I know it wasn't her fault), and then a third week making a list of all the food I wanted my family to bring up to the hospital after this baby is born. At the top of the list?: a midnight truffle blizzard from DQ... anyone who has spent more than an hour with me knows how obsessed I am with this... I dream about them at least once a week (I know I write dramatically, but that is not an exaggeration). Luckily, I am delivering at Lakeside Hospital. What to know how close the nearest DQ is? 0.15 miles away. Across the street. I wish I could say that the proximity of my labor and delivery room to DQ had nothing to do with my hospital decision, but sadly, that would be a lie.
   Another factor of this pregnancy has been the even greater amount of change and transition in this season of life. Another little tid-bit is that I am not the greatest with change. I'm getting better, but it is still hard for me. Paul and I are closing next month on our fist house and while this is super-exciting, my pregnancy hormones don't seem to help with the ups and downs that come with becoming home owners. Oh, did I mention that my due date is Sept. 2? Literally 3 days after our closing date...
  The stress of house stuff (and having a toddler whose personality seems to be tipping precariously closer to his father's childhood temperament than mine) sent me into possible pre-term labor this last week. I'm serious. This is not a joke! At almost 33 weeks you evidently DO NOT want to have contractions 3 mins apart for several hours. And I, CERTAINLY, do not want to go into preterm labor ever again if it means 3 different nurses jabbing needles in my arm trying to find a suitable vein for an IV and using language like "her vein blew out", "she has small vein," or "good luck, her veins roll." This is my idea of torture! Especially when you realize the next day at your OB visit that you weren't even having preterm labor if you're not dilating. He classifies it as "uterine irritability." I almost blacked out cold thinking that I let those nurses poke and prod me and give me shots of anti-labor drugs for nothing. I have, however, told Paul several times that I am so emotional this pregnancy that even my uterus is irritable...
   Seriously though, I am so excited for this baby to come. I feel like it will be a smooth transition because I know more what to expect. I remember after having Theo and feeling like I would never have a 'normal' life again. The newborn phase is so all-consuming that I had days where I felt overwhelmed. This time, I have grace for myself because I now know that the newborn stage is a few months. It goes so fast and you never get it back. Sure some days are hard, but it is the most intense/ magical time I've ever had. 
  So here is my blog at almost 33 weeks. I love you Baby Girl Lanphier and all this seems trivial to go through compared with the privilege of getting to be your mom!

Memory document

   I am one of the most sentimental/nostalgic people I know... I can say this because last month, I teared up at a Chick-fil-A in Kansas City witnessing an unknown family throwing their child a 1st birthday party. Why? Because I was forced to think about my own baby turning 1 in February. I blog, Instagram, and make Shutterfly memory books like it's my job, just so I can document all the 'firsts,' milestones, and memories. I was on the verge of starting Theo his own notebook where Paul and I write notes to him throughout his childhood, but my mother-in-law gave me an awesome idea I want to share here. 
   I have begun writing out a few sentences a few times a month in a Word document. It is easier for me to commit to than the idea of writing several pages in a journal. I may compile entries monthly after he passes the 1 year mark, but for now I'm trying to log a few notes every month :) Here is what Theo's Memory Document looks like so far:
  -->

7.5 months old

-10/10/2012- You love to grab everything! You babble and “talk” to us. You are not a fan of self-entertaining… Today I set the timer to give you five minutes of playtime without me and you made it only 3.5 minutes before having a total melt-down :)  – Mommy

-10/11/2012- Theo, you are not a morning-baby ;) you cry very hard until your bottle is in your mouth… you also fuss if anyone tries to talk to you while you are drinking your first bottle of the day- you prefer quiet! Once you have had your milk, you are like a new baby-happy and snugly! – Mommy

10/12/2012- I can feel your first tooth coming in on the bottom! Can’t wait to see it! –Mommy

10/17/2012- I buckled you in the grocery cart for the first time while shopping at Target today- you loved it! You blew bubbles with you mouth and babbled a lot… I couldn’t stop kissing your chubby cheeks- you are starting to look like a big boy :) :( -M

8.5 months old

11/06/12- You had your 9 month check up yesterday (half a month early). Dr. Douglas says you are incredibly smart and advanced physically. He thinks you aren’t crawling or walking because you figured out if you cry we will take you wherever you want to go J. I have let you fuss the last few days while you try to ‘entertain yourself’ – it makes me so sad to hear you cry! Also, you are 26% for weight and 49% for length.. you weigh almost 19 lbs. Your two teeth are poking through the bottom and Dr says you have two coming in on top… -M

   If my kids are have as nostalgic as I am, they will realllllly appreciate their memory documents someday... 

I'm 2.5 months...

   Hello world! I'm 2 and a half months in 3 days and couldn't be cuter! See for yourself?!?:

I don't like to brag, but I'm sleeping 10 hours a night and then snuggle with mom and dad for another 2 hours until 9 am... Then mom and I get up and do 'exercises.'

kicking my baby legs and arms...

 This last week I took my 1st trip to San Francisco. I loved it! I rode the 'muni' and ate at cool places. Mom and Dad took me to the park and covered me with a blanket so my fair baby skin wouldn't bake in the sun... 

 They didn't hardly take any picture because they had their hands full with me... I'm a little high maintenance at times... but BOY! am I smiley in the mornings... we cuddle lots!

I admit giving looks like this is a little unfair... how can mom and dad resist??

  I am excited to be moving to Omaha this month so I can be closer to my cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents... Don't you worry though... I'm making sure to give mom a run for her money by refusing to let her put me down while she is trying to pack... She is  a little emotional about leaving the place I was born. We made lots of memories here! Here is a picture from last week where she made dad snap a photo while she was holding me... she had just gotten done crying because I'm growing up so fast... She is VERY nostalgic.

 I love being a baby, but SERIOUSLY! who wants to live on a liquid-only diet forever?!

BABY Lowell (I love you)

   So I won’t go as far as saying that I am responsible for Beau and Grace getting pregnant because that would just be creepy, but I am fairly 100% certain that I played a part… For one thing, (not to make this all about me, but hey! It’s my blog) I’ve always wanted to throw someone a baby gender reveal party and for another thing, I was desperately wanting a friend to be pregnant with out in Cali.

   Some of our amazing friends Patrick and Courtney said that despite holding adorable Theo, they are not ready for a baby (probably because I couldn’t guarantee that any baby would be as cute as him). We also have these these other friends Kyle and Katrina that chickened out too, so that naturally left Beau and Grace…

   We were in the same marriage small group at Bethel and there is a whole big chuck of teaching about sex… there is even ‘homework’ (no details)… but before we were dismissed for the week, the leaders shared many testimonies of how the Lord had blessed couples with children during this time in the class (couples who did the ‘homework’ that is…) and they prayed over all of us that this would be a fruitful season of growth in everyones marriages (what they were actually saying: that everyone would get busy and have babies). Paul and I are over-achievers and had done the homework 7 months in advance and were ALREADY pregnant- very pregnant! During the prayer time Paul and I nonchalantly extended our hands towards Beau and Grace and they laughed assuming we were joking… I laughed too in order to throw them off my trail (I didn’t want them throwing up any counter prayers to what I was about to do). I  confess to you that I literally prayed one of my all-time best prayers that they would get knocked up and guess what?!? IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!

   So yesterday was very significant as I got to host a gender party announcing the impending arrival of BABY LOWELL and revel in the fact that Bethel was worth every cent because God gives me what I want now ;) (jk).

Yay! LOWELL! you are a boy!!!! Theo's buddy!!

See that bump?!? I did that!- Well, no, but you know what I mean...

Supernatural Childbirth

   I've been hesitant to post about this book that I read throughout my pregnancy with Theo. I know many women who have had bad labor stories and don't want to seem like I'm being insensitive to what they went through, but I feel like "Supernatural Childbirth" was SUCH a blessing to me that I want other people to know about it! Please hear my heart as you read this because I'm just putting it out there and you can take from it what you want :) I found it in the bookstore here at Bethel and you can get it on Amazon.. I wanted to experience having my own baby before blogging about SC. 

 
   The whole premise of "Supernatural Childbirth" is believing the Lord for what He has already accomplished on the cross- freedom from the curse (especially the one about pain in childbirth). The book has many testimonies of women who experienced no pain- yes, you read that right- no pain during their labor and delivery. Jackie also leads you through the biblical grounds for a supernatural childbirth and backs it up with scriptures to meditate on. It was enlightening to read because I didn't  know that a pain-free childbirth was something I could pray for! The author herself had 3 painless labor and deliveries and she wasn't even medically supposed to be able to have children. There are a list of prayers and declarations enclosed in the back that you read leading up to having your baby. It's a wonderful tool that helps cultivate a positive, faith-filled mindset. Bottom line: the book helps take away fear associated with birth.
  So my story: I wrote about Theo's birth last month and you can read about it on this blog (under February 2012 posts) for more complete details, but I had an AMAZING first birth. Was it pain-free? No. Was it significantly better than it would have been had I not read the book? ABSOLUTELY! First off, I have a major issue with needles, IVs, pain, and hospitals in general. I literally pass out cold EVERY single time I get a blood draw. As a matter of fact, getting my IV in the hospital was a bigger issue to me than the actual labor and delivery. So when the time came, Paul held my hand, we spoke to my body and believed for supernatural peace and grace to handle it... and guess what?!? I didn't pass out, wasn't queasy, nothing! That was the first aspect of my labor that was so wonderful. 
  Another answer to prayer was that I went into labor on my own (something I had really been desiring). When we checked into the hospital Sunday night (the night before I was to be induced) I was already in labor! My water broke naturally and even though I was given Pitocin,  it was just standard procedure to speed along labor- not because I wasn't progressing.. that brings me to my next point- I progressed rapidly. Every time my nurse checked me she had good news! This was a point I had prayed into throughout my pregnancy that I would have a quick labor. From the time my water broke until I held Theo in my arms it was 13 hours... which I was pleased with. 
   Theo was a big baby for me- almost 9 lbs (so glad I didn't know that before hand!!!) and I had no tearing or stitches- I was told after the fact that this in of itself is supernatural! Part of that I attribute to having an amazing nurse who knew what she was doing, but I had prayed and spoke life over my body for months- believing that it was made to have babies and knew how to stretch and change without injuring me.
  Finally, I just want to acknowledge that EVERY birth is different and hope that sharing this doesn't cause anyone to compare their experience or think a difficult childbirth is due to a lack of faith- so not the case! My only goal is to give you a vision that bringing babies into the world doesn't have to be like what you see on TV. You can have a peaceful, joyful experience- I did! That is my favorite part of my birth story- there was such an amazing atmosphere of the Lord's presence and I never would have thought I could feel this way while pushing out a baby ;)
   So if you're curious, get the book, if you think I'm nuts, still get the book and let me know what you think! I would so LOVE to know other women who are reading it and believing for awesome childbirths (so I can pray for you and hear your stories)!!! I'm anticipating progressively better births which each child we have.. I've even started praying for our future children's entry into this world now.

Hanabella Maternity/Newborn Photos

   So I've been waiting to post maternity pics and newborn photos that we've had taken until I got birth announcements out... So now that my mom has called and told me she received her announcement she demands I unveil the rest :)

 

And Theo 6 days old :)

Theo Judah Lanphier

   So mind-boggling to see that the last post I made baby Theo was still in my tummy (the 40 week pics)! I really love reading people's birth stories so just stop here if you don't. I don't want to scar anyone with graphic birth details/pics ;)
   As I wrote before, I was scheduled to go into the hospital Sunday night and then they would start me on Pitocin Monday morning. My mom literally got into Redding from Sacramento at about 6 pm and my brother Turner and her came up to the hospital for moral support. I am convinced that Theo literally waited until his 'Nonnie' was present before even thinking about being born!

Checked in.

Happily not feeling any contractions at this point...

   7 pm I was hooked up to the monitor and our nurse was surprised to find I was having regular contractions 5 minutes apart- I couldn't even feel them! I was thrilled because we had been praying that I would go into labor naturally- I really wanted that experience. My mom and brother left for the night and Paul and I tried to get some sleep- 'tried' because at 2:30 am my water broke and let me just discreetly say that: that was an experience! As my contractions got stronger they gave me something through my IV for pain, so I was a little buzzed. Also, no one tells you that your water breaking can continue for an extended period of time. I may or may not have told Paul through some tears that I felt like a 'juice box' !?! Yes, I am very sensitive to narcotics. I was evidently pretty upset with the levels of fluids they were shooting into me as well because it was revealed to me that I also confided in Paul that there was a hospital conspiracy to make pregnant women look 'puffy' when they were giving birth. I do remember Paul nodding sympathetically and asking if we could discuss it later... It must have not been a pressing issue to me because it didn't come back up.

Feeling the burn

   So from 2:30 am until 9:30 am I rode out the contractions with no longer than 3 minute intervals of rest and was getting really worn down. Also, my Dr. had them put me on Pitocin at 6 am even though I was in labor to speed up the process. The pain was manageable and I was progressing quickly (for a first time mom), but decided at 9:30 am to get the epidural and I thank the Lord above for modern medicine. It was as if liquid gold was poured into my back and I gave our anesthesiologist a fond nick-name "the candy man." For the rest of the morning and until lunch time I rested and enjoyed my family. Paul, my mom, and brother Turner spent the whole day with me. We listened to worship music, they ate (I had broth), and talked together. I literally felt like there was a blanket of peace in the room and just was so excited about meeting my baby. If you know me, this is a big deal since I HATE hospitals, needles, and PAIN with a FIERCE FIERCE PASSION.
  Our nurse that day was excellent. Pam had a very dry sense of humor and was very type A personality, but she knew her stuff. She had been a labor and delivery nurse for 27 years and worked 3 shifts at the hospital and also taught at the nursing school. It was crazy how she predicted the timing of my progressions so accurately. 
   Finally, at 2:30 pm I was at 10 cm dilated and it was time to push. We decided that Turner (my 19 year old bro) would stand waaaaaaaay far up by my head to take pics and record while my mom and hubby stayed at my side. Turner has since said that being present for Theo's birth was the best experience of his life. I pushed for 1 hour and by 3:29 they were saying "look down! here he comes!" Let me just say that there is absolutely nothing in the entire world that could prepare me for seeing my baby for the first time. As the doctor grabbed him and held him up I started weeping with such an intense flood of love that I felt like my heart was going to explode. It was the single greatest moment of my entire life. We all cried, but I cried the hardest. I cried because my son was perfect, I cried because he was safely in my arms, I cried because it was so special to have my family there, and I also cried because I was so darn happy I had gotten an epidural and didn't have to feel a nearly 9 lb baby come out of me (and not to brag, but no stitches were needed).

Almost there...

Here he is!!

No words!

So in love.

This was the sweetest thing... EVER!

    Like I said, having my mom and brother there was amazing because it feels like you can never describe how wonderful a moment like that was. It's nice to know that with them we don't have to try- they were experiencing it right alongside us!

Theo meet Nonnie!

Theo meet Uncle Turney!

   If you have been following my pregnancy post on this blog you will know that we didn't have a name picked out- and we weren't lying! We really and truly did not decide on 'Theo' until about an hour after he was born. Paul was very adamant that we name him quickly so he didn't feel like he "had no identity" ;) We had 3 options we really liked, but when Theo came we knew what his name should be. I'm not going to lie to you, "Theo" is not his full name. His birth certificate reads "Theophilus Judah Lanphier." Theophilus is referred to in the gospels and means "loved by God," "friend of God," and "lover of God" depending on which book you look at (not a bad set of meanings though right!?!) However, we don't want him made fun of on his first day of school and so he will go by Theo ;). Judah his middle name, means "praise" and also refers to the biblical reference of the "lion of the tribe of Judah." My brother Turner asked Paul and I over the summer if we liked the name Theophilus when we heard it mentioned at school one day (Bethel). The funny thing is a few days later my dad was preaching to his youth group out of the book of Luke and came across the name and jokingly told everyone "Theophilus will probably be my grandson's name." He had no clue that we were actually considering it! I do think he came out looking like a Theo though:

Baby Theo not a happy camper.

   One of my favorite things about being a parents is that I get to do it with Paul. My mom has commented so many times how calm and patient he is with me (I was freaking out the first night home about Theo not getting enough to eat). Paul is such a natural with Theo (and me ;) )and constantly wanting to hold him and love on him. It is so fun to hear all the things he say to Theo. We already have a million more nicknames for him too. We are absolutely obsessed and have had more than one moment crying together because we can't believe how much we love we feel for him... it's literally almost scary. So now this blog has added on a new Lanphier... there are officially 3 "Lanphiers Remembering" from now on...

Theo. Born 2/20/12 at 3:29 pm 8 lbs 7.7 oz 21 inches