Sharing the journey....

   Sometime, from the outside it can seem like certain people have it all together. In this world of social media and artificial relationships we can feel like we are alone in the fact that we have struggles or encounter trials.
   Lately, I find myself aware of how important it is to "share your journey" with others because the hard work of life often is much less celebrated and documented in our culture. I have been thinking about Paul and my lives the last few years and to be honest: it is not anything like we would have anticipated it would be at the beginning of those years.
   You see, we decided to take a risk and not follow the typical trajectory of marriage, house, stability, and then babies (although there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that- and believe me, there have been times the last two years when we scratched our heads and wondered if we had made a mistake in pursuing a different path). Three years into marriage, we rid ourselves of all our possessions and took one car 1600 miles across the country to attend ministry school together (that was almost 3 years ago!). We had saved really hard and lived with my parents for several months leading up to the move so we could take an adventure. We moved without jobs, housing, or knowing anyone. But guess what?  We have the best year of our lives. So much growth, excitement, and fun. Plus who doesn't love California?!
   But then we came home... with a baby, no money, and a lot of dreams of what the following years would look like for us. We had a pretty good idea what the Lord had called us to, but weren't entirely sure how we would make it happen. Paul got job, we ministered on the side, and worked hard to hold fast to the amazing beliefs and gifts we now carried from our year away.
  But guess what? Life was hard. We lived with my parents for an entire year (that part actually was really fun... I will blog about it sometime), we still had only one car (and up until a few weeks ago still only had one car) and no money to fall back on since we spent our savings to be able and attend Bethel. Paul wasn't doing his dream job and yet, we felt we had clear direction with every decision we made. Things seemed to take twice as long for us as they did those around us and every month we battled to not sink emotionally that yet another month had passed without Paul living in passion and vision.
   We love the prophetic. This is where we come alive and love to use this gift to help others see what incredible plans God has for their lives. With our own lives however, we knew what we felt we were supposed to do, but it seemed as if there was a pause button on our destiny. Honestly, we needed God to open clear doors for us to help us find our fit.
   A little before Thanksgiving, one of Paul's good friends from church spoke with him about coming to work for his home building company as the VP of Sales. We felt truly excited about this opportunity that had come almost two years since being home. Working in a successful, Christian-owned company was a dream come true for Paul and we knew that there is much potential.
  This is our breakthrough. But what about the two years that led up to it? Is that part of our story something that should even be shared? I believe it should.
    Everyone, EVERYONE, is on a journey. Whether you believe in God or not, your life is telling a story and inviting other people into your hardships and struggles in not a sign of weakness, but rather strength. Those two difficult years have taught me that my roots and character are much more important that worldly success and "accomplishing my dreams." Paul and I have talked much about how we want who we are on the inside to be bigger than what people see on the outside. We are imperfect, fall short, have made mistakes, felt discouraged, but we clung to the promise that God is good. We chose to believe the promises that had been spoken over our lives even when our circumstances were screaming the opposite.
  I know now that God wastes nothing. There is no experience that cannot become an asset for his plan. Even working two years while feeling that 'pause button' has translated into tools that we use now in ministry and Paul's job. You see Isaiah 55:8-9 says " 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" God knows. His plan is best. But it's ok to have struggles along the way.
  Here is an excerpt from my journal about why it is so important to share your journey:
-opens you up to receive love and support from community
-allows others who have walked the same road to strengthen you
-when you are on the other side of your mountain it will give people hope that they too can overcome their own mountains
-keeps us relatable and grounded
-allows the Lord to heal our pain
-gives Jesus glory
-invites others to share their own stories
-gives others the opportunity to respond well to what you share

Now not everyone needs to start a blog or post their struggles all over the internet, but it is important to share with someone around you. The highs and lows of life were not meant to be experienced alone. Be brave. Know you're not alone.

iphone momma

  I love having an iPhone- really, it's a mom's best friend... but let's review all the social media modes I use: 1. Facebook (duh) 2. Twitter 3. Instagram (emilylanphier) 5. Pinterest 6. this BLOG and as of today- 7. YOUTUBE! My girl Meghan, made me an account so I can upload all of Theo's baby milestones directly to the web (user name: emilylanphier). WOW! Someone is a sucker for memories. I just simply cannot help myself... Having "Input" in your top 5 strengths is a blessing and a curse... I just keep collecting modes of memory keeping. That's what this blog truly is for me- a memoir.  
   I have renewed vision for blogging because I'm so grateful for the pregnancy memories I have from blogging. I am currently making a pregnancy journal from Shutterfly based off my Theo baby blog entries ;)
  Here is a quick caption from my life now: I really adore being "retired" as I tell everyone. I mean, who doesn't love having their full-time job being to love another human being? I am so smitten with Theo that I am thinking about writing a children's book- this is not a joke. I literally feel like being a mom has given me a download of divine creativity and tapped into parts of my heart that I didn't even know existed!
  Down side to being retired?: Hmmm... I'll get back to you... I do keep thinking that having only one baby is easiest because it's one on one... two babies may get hectic, but that brings me to another revelation: refuse to let someone else's experience dictate your expectations for your life. Paul and I decided early on that we "flush" (get rid of) bad advice and negative warnings like "Oh, just wait until they are two years old," or "just wait until the second kid comes..." It's not that we live in denial, but we won't buy into a poor mindset. Well-meaning people would warn me about how big a change motherhood is (when I was pregnant with Theo) and guess what?  We flushed the words, spoke out what we believed was God's plan for my time of transition and result?: I have had the most grace-covered start to motherhood I could have ever hoped for! My breakthrough is yours so take it! :)
  One small downside to retired life has been Theo getting sick for the first time and having a week and a half of no sleep. Don't judge me because not only am I not sleeping, but I think the stinker gave me a cold! It's hard to see your baby sick, but has made me feel like I am "real" mom. I've weathered the storm of sick babyness! One plus from this fiasco has been seeing my husband bringing his "A" game! Dr.'s appts by himself?- no biggie! Taking the night shift?- he's got it covered. Paul Lanphier you are God's gift to my retired self...
  Here are a few snapshots of my iphone usage: Sorry these are all of Theo- wait, no I'm not!

finally crashed after a very rough sleepless night :( (1st time being sick)

Baby space captain

no filter- at his cousin Josiah's 1st birthday party

Clean baby

melt. my. heart.

dreaded tummy time

  

July update (and testimonies!)

   This has been a busy weekend/week! We spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night at the Hub because our friend Kris (from Bethel healing rooms) was in town holding healing meetings. We had the extreme blessing of being able to minister under him and seeing people healed, touched, and filled with the love of God! It was an amazing time and Paul and I both felt so alive as we were able to put in action all of the tools we learned from our year out at ministry school. Revival is being poured out in Omaha!
   We have also been speaking to several groups at Waypoint Church (their discipleship students, college group, and youth group). The Lord is showing up in a powerful way!

Some fun testimonies I want to remember:

-A woman was healed of sleeping disorders! I called out a word of knowledge about sleep disorders on Saturday night at the meeting and she told me Monday that for the first time in TWELVE YEARS! she had been sleeping without medication! YAY GOD!
-Many knees were healed
-Paul gave a teenage girl a prophetic word about how her biological father and heavenly father were so proud of her....He had never met her before, but she told us a few days later at one of the meetings that her father had passed away suddenly 7 years ago in a car accident and she hadn't been able to have closure- this was her first time at a service like that and the Lord was anxious to speak to her heart!

  Our hearts are being stirred for revival in Omaha, US, and the nations! We are seeing miracles, deliverances, and the prophetic being poured out. We are praying about how the Lord wants the future to look like... 

  On a personal note, Paul is doing real estate with GTR Sales- the business of our family friends Cameron and Kathy Thomas. They have a niche in the foreclosure department and work with lots of investors. I'm so proud of him and the way he brings kingdom values to business... Just this morning he called me to say he might not be selling a home to a potential client because he wasn't willing to bend the rules- he is so full of integrity and I can't wait to see how the Lord blesses that!

  Theo is the absolute light of our life. I can't stop kissing and squeezing this little guy! I think the whole family agrees... He has lots of love and adoration from both sets of grandparents and all his aunts, uncles, and cousins. :) He is 5 months old and rolls from side to side on his back. I joke that we are stunting his development because he is held so much- I don't care though! I am treasuring every moment with him and taking lots of pictures (with my iphone!) Once I figure out how to synch my phone I will be posting pictures!

I'm 2.5 months...

   Hello world! I'm 2 and a half months in 3 days and couldn't be cuter! See for yourself?!?:

I don't like to brag, but I'm sleeping 10 hours a night and then snuggle with mom and dad for another 2 hours until 9 am... Then mom and I get up and do 'exercises.'

kicking my baby legs and arms...

 This last week I took my 1st trip to San Francisco. I loved it! I rode the 'muni' and ate at cool places. Mom and Dad took me to the park and covered me with a blanket so my fair baby skin wouldn't bake in the sun... 

 They didn't hardly take any picture because they had their hands full with me... I'm a little high maintenance at times... but BOY! am I smiley in the mornings... we cuddle lots!

I admit giving looks like this is a little unfair... how can mom and dad resist??

  I am excited to be moving to Omaha this month so I can be closer to my cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents... Don't you worry though... I'm making sure to give mom a run for her money by refusing to let her put me down while she is trying to pack... She is  a little emotional about leaving the place I was born. We made lots of memories here! Here is a picture from last week where she made dad snap a photo while she was holding me... she had just gotten done crying because I'm growing up so fast... She is VERY nostalgic.

 I love being a baby, but SERIOUSLY! who wants to live on a liquid-only diet forever?!

5 Week Pics (for the Grandparents)

Theo: 3 Weeks Old!

Hanging with mom!

Looking so much like mom as a baby here that it's scary!

Hello world! I'm 3 weeks old today!

Squishy face

confused.

   So Theo is 3 weeks old today! Happy 3 week bday my little Puffin! Aunt Annie arrived at 3 am (pictures with her will make an appearance on this blog very soon.). I'm realizing how hard it is not to post every milestone and picture to FB of my baby! I am so in love with him and obviously think he is the greatest thing to ever grace God's green earth. I keep telling Annie to tell me if I become one of "those moms" who drives people to drink with their constant updates on their children. She told me I had to consult someone else because she is too biased  and obsessed with Theo.... 
  Theo is a WONDERFUL baby... he sleeps 4 and 3 hour stretches at night and doesn't cry unless he is hungry, tired, or needs a diaper change. He has a very sweet spirit and focuses intently on our faces when we talk to him. He is responsive to singing and high-pitched baby talk :) 
  Love being a momma!

New Mommy

   Nothing makes you feel like life is speeding by quite like giving birth to new life. I feel like it was just yesterday I was standing at the top of the stairs in my childhood home hearing my dad tell my 9 year-old self that my time living at home was half over. I cried because my childhood seemed to slipping away. Now here I am 24 years old, married, and with a beautiful, perfect son. My childhood has ended, but his has only just begun!
   The first three weeks of Theo's life has been a mixture of laughter, tears, joys, and firsts. Week one was just trying to get used to having a newborn and making sure I kept him alive! Being at his beck and call seemed to be all I did (and it still does at times). I can't even begin to tell describe how grateful I am for my mom. She truly helped me make the transition to motherhood with my sanity in-tact. She cleaned, cooked, did laundry, held Theo while I napped, bought us groceries, went to Dr.'s appointments with me and assured me that I wouldn't feel like a baby feeding machine for the rest of my life. Becoming a mother has made me need my mom more than I have in years. I so respect my mom and so many people tell me she is the best mother and wife they know. She is who I get to learn from! She is #3 on my speed dial. It goes #1- voice mail box #2- Paul #3-MOM! 
   Having my dad come out the 2nd week was so special! I video taped him meeting Theo and as you might have suspected there were lots of tears!!!

my amazing dad with Theo!

Nonnie!! the best woman EVER!

  Saying good-bye to my parents was honestly the worst... Since we don't know where we will be living after ministry school in May we aren't sure when we will see them next. Luckily, Paul's parents arrived the same day that my parents left... I know what you are thinking, "could you possibly be excited to have your in-laws come?" to which I respond a resounding YES!! They are seriously the dream team. Like my parents, they bought us groceries, took us to eat, and held Theo so I could nap and take showers. Paul's mom even left money on the counter this morning so that I could get a pedicure this week (spoiled, aren't I??) They are the most low-maintanence guests ever and I loved having them around. I cried last night with Jean, my mother-in-law knowing they were going home today...

Meeting Nanna and Poppa

Talking with Nanna

Cuddles with Poppa

  As wonderful as having a baby is, I feel like my hormones are more crazy than when I was pregnant. I am ultra sensitive and cry very easily. Since quality time is my love language I have been feeling the effects of not having as much one-on-one time with Paul as I'm used to. We are taking Theo out this afternoon just the three of us for the first time and going to eat and spend some time as a family. We are both so in love with this little guy, but I'm definatly feeling the adjustment. My mom and mother-in-law have both assured me that the first few months are the hardest when you are breastfeeding and caring for a newborn. As you can imagine, I've cried because I'm sad he has already outgrown some of his newborn clothes and also cried because I get cabin fever if I don't leave the house for a day or two (I'm complicated I guess!) But one look at that little face below and it's all worth it! He already looks so big! :( / :)

that face!!!!!

burping baby Theo

where we spend most of our evening- the couch! he wants to eat all night!

   Theo seems to have blonde hair and blue eyes at this point... Say what?!?! Totally thought my Italian/Lebanese heritage would trump Paul's genes.... I wonder if people will even think he is my kid in the future.... hmmm. Well, Aunt Annie comes this week to meet her first/only nephew! We can't wait! Uncle Tyler comes later in the week too!

Theo Judah Lanphier

   So mind-boggling to see that the last post I made baby Theo was still in my tummy (the 40 week pics)! I really love reading people's birth stories so just stop here if you don't. I don't want to scar anyone with graphic birth details/pics ;)
   As I wrote before, I was scheduled to go into the hospital Sunday night and then they would start me on Pitocin Monday morning. My mom literally got into Redding from Sacramento at about 6 pm and my brother Turner and her came up to the hospital for moral support. I am convinced that Theo literally waited until his 'Nonnie' was present before even thinking about being born!

Checked in.

Happily not feeling any contractions at this point...

   7 pm I was hooked up to the monitor and our nurse was surprised to find I was having regular contractions 5 minutes apart- I couldn't even feel them! I was thrilled because we had been praying that I would go into labor naturally- I really wanted that experience. My mom and brother left for the night and Paul and I tried to get some sleep- 'tried' because at 2:30 am my water broke and let me just discreetly say that: that was an experience! As my contractions got stronger they gave me something through my IV for pain, so I was a little buzzed. Also, no one tells you that your water breaking can continue for an extended period of time. I may or may not have told Paul through some tears that I felt like a 'juice box' !?! Yes, I am very sensitive to narcotics. I was evidently pretty upset with the levels of fluids they were shooting into me as well because it was revealed to me that I also confided in Paul that there was a hospital conspiracy to make pregnant women look 'puffy' when they were giving birth. I do remember Paul nodding sympathetically and asking if we could discuss it later... It must have not been a pressing issue to me because it didn't come back up.

Feeling the burn

   So from 2:30 am until 9:30 am I rode out the contractions with no longer than 3 minute intervals of rest and was getting really worn down. Also, my Dr. had them put me on Pitocin at 6 am even though I was in labor to speed up the process. The pain was manageable and I was progressing quickly (for a first time mom), but decided at 9:30 am to get the epidural and I thank the Lord above for modern medicine. It was as if liquid gold was poured into my back and I gave our anesthesiologist a fond nick-name "the candy man." For the rest of the morning and until lunch time I rested and enjoyed my family. Paul, my mom, and brother Turner spent the whole day with me. We listened to worship music, they ate (I had broth), and talked together. I literally felt like there was a blanket of peace in the room and just was so excited about meeting my baby. If you know me, this is a big deal since I HATE hospitals, needles, and PAIN with a FIERCE FIERCE PASSION.
  Our nurse that day was excellent. Pam had a very dry sense of humor and was very type A personality, but she knew her stuff. She had been a labor and delivery nurse for 27 years and worked 3 shifts at the hospital and also taught at the nursing school. It was crazy how she predicted the timing of my progressions so accurately. 
   Finally, at 2:30 pm I was at 10 cm dilated and it was time to push. We decided that Turner (my 19 year old bro) would stand waaaaaaaay far up by my head to take pics and record while my mom and hubby stayed at my side. Turner has since said that being present for Theo's birth was the best experience of his life. I pushed for 1 hour and by 3:29 they were saying "look down! here he comes!" Let me just say that there is absolutely nothing in the entire world that could prepare me for seeing my baby for the first time. As the doctor grabbed him and held him up I started weeping with such an intense flood of love that I felt like my heart was going to explode. It was the single greatest moment of my entire life. We all cried, but I cried the hardest. I cried because my son was perfect, I cried because he was safely in my arms, I cried because it was so special to have my family there, and I also cried because I was so darn happy I had gotten an epidural and didn't have to feel a nearly 9 lb baby come out of me (and not to brag, but no stitches were needed).

Almost there...

Here he is!!

No words!

So in love.

This was the sweetest thing... EVER!

    Like I said, having my mom and brother there was amazing because it feels like you can never describe how wonderful a moment like that was. It's nice to know that with them we don't have to try- they were experiencing it right alongside us!

Theo meet Nonnie!

Theo meet Uncle Turney!

   If you have been following my pregnancy post on this blog you will know that we didn't have a name picked out- and we weren't lying! We really and truly did not decide on 'Theo' until about an hour after he was born. Paul was very adamant that we name him quickly so he didn't feel like he "had no identity" ;) We had 3 options we really liked, but when Theo came we knew what his name should be. I'm not going to lie to you, "Theo" is not his full name. His birth certificate reads "Theophilus Judah Lanphier." Theophilus is referred to in the gospels and means "loved by God," "friend of God," and "lover of God" depending on which book you look at (not a bad set of meanings though right!?!) However, we don't want him made fun of on his first day of school and so he will go by Theo ;). Judah his middle name, means "praise" and also refers to the biblical reference of the "lion of the tribe of Judah." My brother Turner asked Paul and I over the summer if we liked the name Theophilus when we heard it mentioned at school one day (Bethel). The funny thing is a few days later my dad was preaching to his youth group out of the book of Luke and came across the name and jokingly told everyone "Theophilus will probably be my grandson's name." He had no clue that we were actually considering it! I do think he came out looking like a Theo though:

Baby Theo not a happy camper.

   One of my favorite things about being a parents is that I get to do it with Paul. My mom has commented so many times how calm and patient he is with me (I was freaking out the first night home about Theo not getting enough to eat). Paul is such a natural with Theo (and me ;) )and constantly wanting to hold him and love on him. It is so fun to hear all the things he say to Theo. We already have a million more nicknames for him too. We are absolutely obsessed and have had more than one moment crying together because we can't believe how much we love we feel for him... it's literally almost scary. So now this blog has added on a new Lanphier... there are officially 3 "Lanphiers Remembering" from now on...

Theo. Born 2/20/12 at 3:29 pm 8 lbs 7.7 oz 21 inches

Busy Busy

  EEEK! I have neglected this blog for a month! I feel bad, but we have been so busy! Paul is currently in Alaska and then will be traveling to California to run some clinics. I reallllly miss him, but am flying out to San Francisco in 2 weeks to visit. I will be honest and say that I probably think about Pablo 3 times an hour. We do everything together so it's hard to be apart for so long. The good news is we will have all summer in California not knowing hardly anyone which means LOTS of quality bonding time.

   Life is speeding by as we gear up to leave for Bethel. We have decided that we are selling most of our possessions so as not to pay for a storage unit. Couch, bed, table and chairs from World Market... all must go :( As sad as I am to sell my stuff (I'm nostalgic about all the furniture we bought together as newlyweds), it is very liberating! We are literally driving out with whatever our little Honda CRV can hold.

   We are planning on leaving for Cali the second week of June. We will take about 6 days to drive out and we are going to make a vacation out of it. I've always wanted to see Yellowstone National Park so we will work that into our plans. We are probably going to camp a lot of the way. When we get to Redding, we will drop off our small supply of stuff and drive 3 hours to Sacramento. From Sacramento we are flying to LA for a week of vacation with my boss and her family. Paul and I pretty much get to tag along and then will be watching the kids in the evenings if the adults want to go out. This will be the best job ever- if sitting by the pool at a resort is work sign me up!!! Then it's back to Redding to start jobs and transition for Ministry School. Can't wait!

   So I have been trying to take advantage of this time before we leave. I am also trying to make the most of the time apart from Paul. Last weekend I had a girls night with some good friends. The last few days I have enjoyed cooking healthy with my mom. We watch movies together a lot of nights (cousin Joy joined us on Tuesday night!). I have spent lost of time with family and friend- I know it's important to embrace these memories! Another good way to stay occupied has been training for my half marathon. I am training 5 days a week with my long runs on Saturdays. Last Saturday was 7 miles- this Saturday is 8. I'll try and update again soon...