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Wednesday, May 4, 2016

"It might not be for you, Momma."

 "It might not be for you."

The thought rings loudly through my mind as I change my "potty-trained" 2-year old's pants for the 2nd time before 10 am.

My son is throwing a fit again because he wants to eat out of "the orange bowl and green is not my favorite color"..

The baby fusses. This whole scheduling/Baby Wise thing just, (can I say it?) sucks.

I change another diaper, mediate a sibling scuffle, and take a moment to say aloud, "I love being a mom," in order to facilitate healthy brain pathways and gratitude when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I hear it again, "it might not be for you."

I sit down on the couch and read aloud to my 2 toddlers while feeding the baby while mustering up some brain energy to ask them questions about the story that will engage their minds. #multitasking

I pay some bills, call my husband to ask if we should register the kids for swimming lessons tonight, and make a mental note to give a speech on self-control the next time I'm driving with my little people in our glorious minivan (where I have a captive (i.e. contained) audience). I try and intentionally pre-teach during moments of non-conflict.

I'm hit with a wave of exhaustion and realize I need to eat lunch.

I sit down and the moment I have a reprieve from the hustle and bustle, I feel the dark blanket of grief tug at my heart. Mother's Day is THIS Sunday. My mom is gone. Her void is immense and I carry it's weight everyday. I cannot believe that this month marks 9 months since the car accident that took my parents' lives. They are missing it all and countless things I want to share with them.

I would tell them:
"Mom! Dad! The kids are so big! Beatrix is my easiest baby yet! You'd adore her!"
"You guys will never believe it, but Paul took the COO (Chief Operations Officer) position at Abide... we went into ministry/nonprofit.... CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!"
"Mom, you'd be SO PROUD of Jade. She is standing by Turner so faithfully while he grieves losing you. We learned all we know about being wives from YOU!"
" And TURNER, seriously, he is a rock. He might not always feel like it, but he is doing something with his pain... Dad, you're gonna faint, Turner's a youth pastor."
"Tyler and Jaclyn... They are such hard workers. They are industrious, motivated, and such a dynamic couple... you both would BURST with joy.
"And Annie, she is the definition of self-less. She helps out with the kids all the time, gives Paul and I date nights, and organizes sibling gathering. We cry a lot, but you've trained us well. We love each other deeply..."

I sigh. There is so much they have taught and imparted to us that they aren't seeing the harvest of...

IT MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU! 

It hits me like a slap in the face. A Mother's Day epiphany if you will:

Mommas, the seeds you're sowing day in and day out might not be for you.... they might be for an audience far larger. The love, care, and correction that you pour so imperfectly, yet fiercely, into the very souls of your children you may never fully see the fruit of . The seeds you're planting may be for:

the books they are gonna write
the countries they will visit
the lives they might touch
the babies that they, themselves might raise
the families they will love
the careers and industries they will affect
and the mountains they will climb

But you can be sure of this: those seeds are so deeply embedded with your DNA and fingerprints that it is as if a piece of YOU will be:

writing those books
visiting those countries
touching those lives
nurturing those babies
loving those families
bringing change to those careers and industries
and climbing those mountains

even long after you are gone....

You see, that's what legacy is all about. It's living for something beyond 'the now' so your life has impact even after your walking years on this earth. Legacy is equipping your own kids to sow even better seeds than the ones that were (or weren't) planted in your own life.

The hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.
-  William Ross Wallace

So rock those cradles, Momma.
Sow those seeds.

And the generations that follow will be stamped with the beauty of your care. Some buds may bloom before your very eyes and other will grow in the aftermath of your love.

Happy Mother's Day.






14 comments:

  1. This is beautiful. Your words are so inspiring. Thank you for sharing the strength that Jesus gives you.

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  2. Oh my goodness. Thank you. I NEEDED THIS! And I lay in a dark room with my kid sleeping next to me crying. Thank you. In your grief you are speaking encouragement. I pray for you weekly friend. I'm praying for your daughter heart and your momma heart. I love you and grateful we are neighbors and that we can throw our kids at each other when we need a break ��

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  3. oh emily, this is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing. You are such a good momma, wife, and daughter :)

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  4. Emily, I hear your parents legacy ringing softly through your words. Your father's Mother's Day messages years and years ago are still my favorites as he tearfully validated moms.♡ I love hearing your words. They are rich, wise, honest, beautiful. I think of you all often and pray for you as much. Xo

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    1. I echo your thoughts Debbie. Thanks for writing, Emily! We certainly will continue to pray for you and your siblings!

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  5. Emily, I hear your parents legacy ringing softly through your words. Your father's Mother's Day messages years and years ago are still my favorites as he tearfully validated moms.♡ I love hearing your words. They are rich, wise, honest, beautiful. I think of you all often and pray for you as much. Xo

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  6. Emily this is amazing and brought me to tears! Thank you. Continuing to pray for you, your family, and siblings each time the Lord brings you to mind. Blessings!

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  7. Emily this is amazing and brought me to tears! Thank you. Continuing to pray for you, your family, and siblings each time the Lord brings you to mind. Blessings!

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  8. Thank you for sharing this! It truly touched me in so many ways and made me cry. I grew up at Trinity and knew your parents. They were soooooo amazing and touched so many lives. You and your siblings are inspiring and remind me a lot of them. I hope I am half the mother yours was. Happy mothers day to u and Your beautiful mother.

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  9. Your words, so beautifully written, (Yes,you have a God given gift in the words you write). They touch me even though my children are grown. Keep writing little momma. Your words will touch so many that need to hear the words God lays on your heart. Continue to be real and genuine. This will encourage others that God works through us, even more so in our weaknesses than in our strengths. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to encourage all who will read these words. Blessings. We continue to pray for you as often as God brings you to our minds.

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  10. Me, too! I'm crying. Thank you for sharing your heart and encouraging us moms out there. What a great reminder that what we do can create ripples through the generations.

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